July 1, 2005

WELCOME TO THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE!!!

ALTHOUGH THESE OVERLOOKED FOOTNOTES OF MOVIEDOM HAVE BEEN LOST IN THE ANNULS OF FILM HISTORY, THEY STILL EXIST IN THE MEMORY OF OUR CINEMATIC SUBCONCIOUS!

THESE ARE THE FILMS YOU DONT REMEMBER THE NAMES OF, BUT ARE SURE YOU SAW THEM!

THESE ARE THE FILMS WHO’S TV SPOTS SCARED YOU WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD!

THESE ARE THE FILMS THAT WERE MADE IN A TIME WHEN MOST OF THE COUNTRY WAS COKED UP!

SOME ARE HITS. MOST ARE MISSES. BUT EVEN THE FAILURES ARE SO SPECTACULAR, THEY CANNOT BE DENIED!

DO YOU DARE ENTER THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE??? READ ON, AT YOUR OWN PERIL! -JSYN.

TROLL 2 /1990/ d:Claudio Fragasso

So, this is how it went down… One day, I received a delightful email from longtime reader Dawn G: “Hi Jay, The crappeist horror movie I ever saw was the sequel to Troll. From what I can remember it’s about a family who move to, wait for it, “Nilbog” (Goblin spelled backwards, Which I am sure you figured out). Ingenious script writing! Anyways, on my travels to the local movie store, I spied Troll 2 out on DVD and couldn’t believe that people would want to buy, let alone watch this crud!! I consider my self a connoisseur of crap horror movies but even this movie is to crap for me to watch. Please put this movie in your vault, just for the hell of it. Oh, and by the way, I think your website is mint!! (Manchester slang for cool)” – Dawn.

To which I replied: “Hey Dawn! Wow! My first Vault contribution from a reader! It will be updated shortly, and I appreciate you throwing more manure on the Glorious Crap Pile! So, is that Manchester, England? If so, please send me some Lion bars and Yorkie bars and a bag of Walkers Worcester Sauce Crisps ASAP! 😉 Btw, we said “mint” here in the 80’s and I’m trying to bring it back! Thanks again for the kind words…” ~J.

And then Dawn wrote back: “Hello again Jay, Yes that is Manchester, England. Would gladly send you the Worcester sauce crisps but I haven’t seen any in ages, they must be extinct!! They were my favourite when I was a wee nipper. I am honoured to be the very first reader to contribute to your vault, does that mean I get a cash prize, just kidding. Ta Ta for Now.” – Dawn

ISN’T THAT FUCKING GREAT??? Thanks to a common love of crap movies (and junk food, and 80’s schoolyard slang), two complete strangers from opposite ends of the Earth become instant lifelong friends! Look at the way she spells “favourite” and “honoured”…crazy! I love it! Thank you TROLL 2, and every single person involved in your production, manufacturing, distribution and advertising! Without you all, none of this would have been possible. Hey Dawn, as soon as FANGORIA decides to buy out ICONS OF FRIGHT, I’m taking my share and jumping on a plane to sunny ‘ol Manchester for a visit over pints at the corner pub… ALL THANKS TO TROLL 2!!! -7/05

I TRULY HOPED YOU ENJOYED YOUR VISIT TO THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE! CHECK BACK HERE EVERY MONTH AS WE UNEARTH EVEN MORE TRAVESTIES AND DELIGHTS!

DO YOU HAVE A MOVIE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE IN THE VAULT, OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE AN ANECDOTE OR SOME INFO TO ANY OF THE FILMS ABOVE? JUST CLICK THE LINK BELOW AND EMAIL ME!

JAY@ICONSOFFRIGHT.COM

WE WILL BE INCLUDING CONTRIBUTIONS FROM YOU, THE READERS, IN UPCOMING EDITIONS!

SEE YOU NEXT MONTH, JERKS!