December 1, 2006

WELCOME TO THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE!!!

ALTHOUGH THESE OVERLOOKED FOOTNOTES OF MOVIEDOM HAVE BEEN LOST IN THE ANNULS OF FILM HISTORY, THEY STILL EXIST IN THE MEMORY OF OUR CINEMATIC SUBCONCIOUS!

THESE ARE THE FILMS YOU DONT REMEMBER THE NAMES OF, BUT ARE SURE YOU SAW THEM!

THESE ARE THE FILMS WHO’S TV SPOTS SCARED YOU WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD!

THESE ARE THE FILMS THAT WERE MADE IN A TIME WHEN MOST OF THE COUNTRY WAS COKED UP!

SOME ARE HITS. MOST ARE MISSES. BUT EVEN THE FAILURES ARE SO SPECTACULAR, THEY CANNOT BE DENIED!

DO YOU DARE ENTER THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE??? READ ON, AT YOUR OWN PERIL! -JSYN.

12/06: THE VAULT – DECEMBER EDITION!!!

Howdy, fiends! Robg here. Jsyn’s up in Westchester (home of the X-Men) working on a movie or something, which means I’m taking over the VAULT this month! Don’t worry, I dug thru my old VHS tapes and found 3 forgotten gems! Here we go…

HIGHWAY TO HELL /1992/ d: Ate de Jong

“I’m gonna scoop your brainnnnsss!!!”

BOOM!

“Scoop your own brains!”

And with that exchange of dialogue, I fell in love with this little cult flick, Highway To Hell. Ready for the breakdown? A movie with Chad Lowe (not Rob) as the lead?! And he’s trying to save his girlfriend Kristy Swanson (also star one of my other Vault personal faves Wes Craven’s Deadly Friend) from Patrick Bergin who plays Beezle (Psst, he’s the devil!) and the freaky Hellcop, who sports a concrete head with signatures all over it. (He’s played by CJ Graham who played Jason in Friday the 13th 6: Jason Lives) This oddball gem of a Vault pick also featured dozen’s of cameos with Ben Stiller and his pop Jerry Stiller, female rocker Lita Ford, and Gilbert Gottfried as Hitler! It’s a wild, bizarre little movie, and believe it or not, was the follow-up movie to director Ate de Jong’s Drop Dead Fred! This one’s screaming for a DVD release, but in the meantime, you should be able to hunt down an old VHS of it. Ice cream scooper and shotgun not included.

FRIGHT FACT! Highway To Hell was actually one of the first things written by Brian Helgeland, who later went on to write & direct Payback with Mel Gibson and Knight’s Tale with Heath Ledger!? He also wrote Robert Englund’s 976-EVIL, a few episodes of the Friday The 13th series, and the original story treatment to Nightmare On Elm Street 4?! –Robg. -12/06

I COME IN PEACE (aka Dark Angel) /1990/ d: Craig R. Baxley

Wow. This is one of my favorite movies… of EVER!!! Director Craig R. Baxley followed up his Carl Weathers epic ‘Action Jackson’ with I COME IN PEACE! (The shooting title was ‘Dark Angel’). It’s about this wacky looking alien (actually, just a creepy tall dude with white contact lenses) who runs around saying “I Come In Peace” before shooting out a CD disc which slices and dices the necks of his victims. He then injects them with heroin and sucks up a fluid from their brains. (Endorphins) Why? Because he’s a drug dealer! From space! Not cool enough for ya? Ok, Dolph Lundgren plays Jack, the cop that’s after the alien because of the death of his partner after a drug bust gone bad! To make things worse (or better for us!), an FBI agent has been assigned to tag along with Jack… and it’s good old Smith (played by ‘Dream On’s Brian Benben!) What follows is a fun, original, kick-ass 90 minutes of pure Lundgren awesomeness. Rest assured that before the movie is out, you’ll hear the catch phrase “I come in peace…” “And you go in pieces!” Love this one!

FRIGHT FACT! Did you know that director Craig R. Baxely was also a stunt coordinator on dozens of films, including PREDATOR, THE WARRIORS and even episodes of THE A-TEAM?! –Robg. -12/06

SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT 3: BETTER WATCH OUT! /1989/ d: Monte Hellman

Oh bliss! What would a December VAULT edition be without one holiday themed flick! Sure, most people talk about the controversial Silent Night Deadly Night Part 1, or the hilarious cult favorite Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2, but 3 is definitely Vault-worthy! It turns out that Ricky Cladwell, the Santa Claus killer from SNDN 2 is still alive! He wears a fishbowl on his head, which exposes his brain (even though, err… he was shot in the chest at the end of the last one) and he’s played by Rob Zombie’s favorite actor Bill Moseley (even though Bill looks nothing like the previous Ricky). Aw, hell, I dig this ridiculous flick! It was (I believe) the first Silent Night movie I found as a kid, and I actually took this franchise serious, because this movie tried to be serious! (Little did I know, when I finally got around to renting Part 2!) Bill Moseley (Ricky) escapes and starts killing people. Apparently nobody finds it odd that this creepy guy is walking around with his brain exposed on the top of his head. Or the fact that the only person that knows what he’s up to is a blind girl with an unexplained psychic attachment to Ricky. Oh, and good old Robert Culp (‘The Greatest American Hero’!) is the cop that’s out there ready to bring Ricky back in. (Dead or alive!) This movie’s a bit slow, but I liked Moseley in it, and the music was reminiscent of Halloween’s score. Again, I think they were making a serious effort with this one. They came close!

FRIGHT FACT! Director Monte Hellman was an executive producer on Quentin Tarantino’s Reservoir Dogs! And, there were also 2 more direct-to-video sequels to Silent Night Deadly Night, neither of which continued the story of the crazed Santa Claus killer. Part 4 was directed by Brian Yuzna, and Part’s 4 and 5 featured actor Clint Howard!? –Robg. -12/06