December 1, 2005

By Mike C.

Be careful what you wish for:

Friday the 13th: The Remake

Setting: Camp Crystal Lake 2006

A bunch of shirtless jocks with washboard abs and blonde bimbos arrive to film a reality TV series about being a camp counselor.

Little do they know that in the woods lurks a half-dead madman with a hockey mask who runs really really fast and also knows kung-fu. He proceeds to murder them all, one by one, in “bullet time” with his arsenal of computer generated lawn and garden tools. Finally, the black guy and the one white girl left manage to kill this menace by knocking him off a never-before-seen cliff, lakeside.

A Nickelback song will then follow immediately along with the closing credits.

“Sounds great, let’s greenlight this f**ker!”

-Mike C.

(*Editors note: This article is merely satire and not an actual upcoming Friday The 13th project. Although we wouldn’t be surprised if it were!)