July 1, 2006

WELCOME TO THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE!!!

ALTHOUGH THESE OVERLOOKED FOOTNOTES OF MOVIEDOM HAVE BEEN LOST IN THE ANNULS OF FILM HISTORY, THEY STILL EXIST IN THE MEMORY OF OUR CINEMATIC SUBCONCIOUS!

THESE ARE THE FILMS YOU DONT REMEMBER THE NAMES OF, BUT ARE SURE YOU SAW THEM!

THESE ARE THE FILMS WHO’S TV SPOTS SCARED YOU WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD!

THESE ARE THE FILMS THAT WERE MADE IN A TIME WHEN MOST OF THE COUNTRY WAS COKED UP!

SOME ARE HITS. MOST ARE MISSES. BUT EVEN THE FAILURES ARE SO SPECTACULAR, THEY CANNOT BE DENIED!

DO YOU DARE ENTER THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE??? READ ON, AT YOUR OWN PERIL! -JSYN.

DEADLY FRIEND /1986 / d: Wes Craven

Ya know, it’s funny when you remember watching something as a child and loving it, and then re-evaluating it as an adult, only to realize how terrible it really is. Well, there’s 3 things I remember about ‘Deadly Friend’. 1) It was made by Wes Craven – the dude who made that Freddy Krueger movie that also scared the shit out of me. 2) The lead was this new young actress named Kristy Swanson, who for some reason I was uncontrollably in love with in this movie. (And honestly not in anything else since.) and 3) The ‘Throw Mama From The Train’ lady gets a basketball thru her face causing it to combust – “Scanners”-style! I finally found a copy of this childhood favorite at the last horror convention I attended. And how’s it hold up now as an adult? Well, it’s terrible. And I still love every second of it!

Paul is this nerdy kid who hangs out with his pet robot, BB. (He’s short, yellow and has an attitude for anyone who tries to steal the family van.) Sam (Kristy Swanson) moves in next door with her mean, abusive father, who about 20 minutes into the movie, beats her to death. (Sorta. He hits her. She falls down the stairs.) Unable to cope with the loss of his new best friend Sam, Paul essentially rewires her brain so she’s like BB the robot. The zombie/robot Sam remembers the people who have wronged her in life and decides “What the hay? I’m going to kill them.” Oh it’s so bad, it’s good. Why God, WHY… is there no special edition DVD of this?! Complete with commentary?! Try to hunt this down. It’s worth it alone for the oddball ending (which makes absolutely no sense, yet still scared the shit out of me when I first saw it as a kid!) Oh, wait for the credits. You’ll be treated to a cheesy 80’s song that keeps calling out “BB!”. It’s fan-freakin-tastic.

FRIGHT FACT! One of the many taglines to this movie was “Not all nightmares happen on Elm Street”! –robg. -7/06