November 1, 2005

WELCOME TO THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE!!!

ALTHOUGH THESE OVERLOOKED FOOTNOTES OF MOVIEDOM HAVE BEEN LOST IN THE ANNULS OF FILM HISTORY, THEY STILL EXIST IN THE MEMORY OF OUR CINEMATIC SUBCONCIOUS!

THESE ARE THE FILMS YOU DONT REMEMBER THE NAMES OF, BUT ARE SURE YOU SAW THEM!

THESE ARE THE FILMS WHO’S TV SPOTS SCARED YOU WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD!

THESE ARE THE FILMS THAT WERE MADE IN A TIME WHEN MOST OF THE COUNTRY WAS COKED UP!

SOME ARE HITS. MOST ARE MISSES. BUT EVEN THE FAILURES ARE SO SPECTACULAR, THEY CANNOT BE DENIED!

DO YOU DARE ENTER THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE??? READ ON, AT YOUR OWN PERIL! -JSYN.

I DRINK YOUR BLOOD! / 1970 / d: David Durston

THE SEVENTIES! SATANIC HIPPIES! LSD! MEAT PIES INFECTED WITH RABIES! DEATH BY FEAR OF WATER! TITTIES! MANBUSH! MANBUSH! MAAAN-BUUSSSHHH!

DON’T RENT THIS… BUY IT! BUY IT RIGHT NOW THIS SECOND!!!

FRIGHT FACT! When there’s trouble brewin… be sure to check the bakery! I’m weeping with delight, I love this movie SO MUCH I want to marry it. Bless you, Sage Stallone… bless your heart! -11/05

PLANET OF THE WEREWOLVES (aka RAGE OF THE WEREWOLF) / 1999/ d: Ken Lindenmuth

Wow, here’s a bit of nostalgia! Made for pennies DIY-styley on the mean streets of NYC, with a just a DV camera and pure desire! My good buddy Joe (NIKOS THE IMPALER, 5 DEAD ON THE CRIMSON CANVAS, and a million other flicks) Zaso and the absolutely wonderful Debbie (Scream Queen) Rochon have some fun in this apocalyptic werewolf vs. vampire flick that was light years ahead of UNDERWORLD. This was more of a no-budget version of that, crossed with PLANET OF THE APES and ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK. I cant say anything bad about this film because I freakin worked on it! That’s right, contained in this film is my acting debut as “Bounty Hunter 4”. I got to battle a werewolf with a whip! I practiced for like ten whole minutes, accidentally whipped the director (sorry Kev) and got my ass handed to me by a werewolf named Santos (writer, producer and great guy). In true guerrilla filmmaking style, I also did some special makeup for the “mutants” that live underground (it was Santos’ basement). You would be surprised what one can create with some gelatin, latex, and rice crispies! In fact, there’s this movie coming out soon called HELL ON EARTH…um, more on that later. I know some of you might think it’s hypocritical of me to NOT rip this movie apart just because I was involved in it, but hey…it’s my column bitches!

I always said that without the swearing, it would have made a fantastic Goosebumps-esque flick for kids. I dare you to find this.

FRIGHT FACT! That other bounty hunter with the net… say hello to IOF’s own RobG! Ha ha, you got a freakin’ NET! -11/05

I TRULY HOPED YOU ENJOYED YOUR VISIT TO THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE! CHECK BACK HERE EVERY MONTH AS WE UNEARTH EVEN MORE TRAVESTIES AND DELIGHTS!

DO YOU HAVE A MOVIE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE IN THE VAULT, OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE AN ANECDOTE OR SOME INFO TO ANY OF THE FILMS ABOVE? JUST CLICK THE LINK BELOW AND EMAIL ME!

JAY@ICONSOFFRIGHT.COM

WE WILL BE INCLUDING CONTRIBUTIONS FROM YOU, THE READERS, IN UPCOMING EDITIONS!

SEE YOU NEXT MONTH, JERKS!