January 1, 2006

WELCOME TO THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE!!!

ALTHOUGH THESE OVERLOOKED FOOTNOTES OF MOVIEDOM HAVE BEEN LOST IN THE ANNULS OF FILM HISTORY, THEY STILL EXIST IN THE MEMORY OF OUR CINEMATIC SUBCONCIOUS!

THESE ARE THE FILMS YOU DONT REMEMBER THE NAMES OF, BUT ARE SURE YOU SAW THEM!

THESE ARE THE FILMS WHO’S TV SPOTS SCARED YOU WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD!

THESE ARE THE FILMS THAT WERE MADE IN A TIME WHEN MOST OF THE COUNTRY WAS COKED UP!

SOME ARE HITS. MOST ARE MISSES. BUT EVEN THE FAILURES ARE SO SPECTACULAR, THEY CANNOT BE DENIED!

DO YOU DARE ENTER THE VAULT OF THE FORGOTTEN AND OBSCURE??? READ ON, AT YOUR OWN PERIL! -JSYN.

VAMP / 1986 / d: Richard Wenk

Oh boy, oh boy! Jysn is away and I get to throw one into the vault! Grace Jones kind-of sorta stars as the lead female vampire of this strip joint that lures young men to their sucky-sucky fi-dolla deaths. By sorta star I mean she’s all over the poster and box art, does some sort of weirdo, silly exotic dance and is gone for most of the movie. Here she ends up looking more like a parody of herself that Kim Wayan’s used to do on “In Living Color”. The film really focuses on future “vamp victims” Chris Makepeace (“My Bodyguard”), Gedde Wantabe (Long Duk Dong from “Sixteen Candles”) as they do their best to escape the clutches of vampire bar staff. They try real, real hard to convince us that a two room strip joint is impossible to escape from, and I think Grace Jones explodes at the end. A visit to the Titty Twister it’s not, my friends. (Mikec.) -1/06