October 28, 2015

Its Halloween week, which means everyone’s probably getting into the spirit by revisiting various (if not all) entries in the HALLOWEEN franchise. And we don’t blame you! But you know, even though Michael Myers has racked up an impressive body count over the course of 10 films, there’s actually a few HALLOWEEN franchise deaths he’s not responsible for. So this week, let’s shine a light on those poor unfortunate and unlucky souls and dedicate a hashtag out of respect to them.

My man Ben Tramer. You had a thing for Laurie Strode. Annie tried to hook it up and it looked like it was going to happen! If only you didn’t get so blind-stinking drunk and walk home in that stupid Myers-esque mask. Ben is referenced but not seen in the John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN, yet we indirectly meet him in Part 2 as Loomis is fixing to gun him down in the middle of a busy street in front of dozens of witnesses for looking like he might be Michael Myers. He inadvertently gets creamed by a car, which then explodes on impact and poor Ben Tramer goes up in flames. So much for his potential date with Laurie.

Let’s now set our sights on the vastly underrated and now-finally-earning some respect sequel HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH. In this movie, Little Buddy Kurper Jr probably gets it the worst. Granted, he’s a little on the annoying side, but he’s an excited kid around Halloween, so we’ll let that slide. He puts out one of the Silver Shamrock Pumpkin Masks while watching the special (and incredibly catchy) message on the TV, and it immediately turns his head into mush made of insects and snakes. Nasty way to go! We’re sorry Little Buddy Kurper Jr! But at least it wasn’t Myers sticking his thumb through your forehead!

Last but not least, let’s give it up for our dearly departed friend Ted Hollister. Am I right? In HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS, after news of Michael’s return and the decimation of the local law enforcement, a group of angry redneck townspeople form a mob and start combing the streets looking to “fry” Myers ass, once and for all. When one of them spots him hiding out behind a bush, none of them hesitate as they open fire and destroy that little corner of this otherwise quiet town. When they access the damage, one of the townspeople turns and says, “Shit, Earl. It’s Ted Hollister.” Way to go guys! And what the hell was Ted doing in that bush anyways?

Ben Tramer, Buddy, Ted Hollister…. this hashtag is for you.

#RESPECT