May 13, 2016

The time has come yet again. It’s Friday May 13th and while the majority of you out there reading this will no doubt be partaking in some sort of Jason inspired marathon tonight, I’m sad to report that we don’t have another FRIDAY THE 13TH movie opening today as we should. The last time that Jason Voorhees swung his machete was back in 2009, over 7 years ago! Back during the Paramount years, they managed to crank out another Voorhees outing every year. What happened? What’s the problem?

At the moment, my simple answer is the fine fiends over at Platinum Dunes are just overthinking it. For years, they’ve been grappling with various interpretations of how to proceed with the FRIDAY THE 13TH franchise. Granted, their 2009 reboot was a big box office success, but the ticket sales dropped drastically by the 2nd weekend. Fan reception was lukewarm at best. We all agree that Derek Mears pretty much owned as Jason Voorhees and we’d all love to see him get another go at it. But the perfect crop of CW style young adults passing for kids hit every check box on the cliché list. The kids from the opening sequence are great! And I would’ve loved to have spent the entire movie with them, but instead we got a new group of very generic characters and equally generic “kills.” Jared Padalecki as Clay Miller (a variation on the Rob character from FRIDAY 4) was also one of its strongest points.

For a follow-up, they considered a “found footage” style FRIDAY THE 13TH movie, although I have no idea why. A FRIDAY movie in 3D? Worked back in 1982, so why not? And David Bruckner was attached for several years and had planned to set it in the 80’s, but that version also fell through. The formula for crafting a successful FRIDAY THE 13TH movie isn’t rocket science. Paramount pretty much remade the same movie 7 times before handing over the reins to New Line. Just stick with a few basic things, and we’ll be happy! Really! Here are some suggestions.

A Recap Opening

My two personal favorite entries in the FRIDAY THE 13TH franchise have to be PART 4 and PART 7. And both do something really awesome. They give us a 3-4 minute recap of what happened before the events of the movie we’re about to see. This is literally the most simple and perfect way back into the series. Don’t worry about continuity or picking up threads from the last film. Have a group of counselors around a camp fire or a narrator recounting the legend of Jason and then within 5 minutes, you’ll have us all ready for a brand new story. And that’s the thing! Technically, all the previous movies could have happened, but like any legend, they could just be an amalgamation or exaggeration of truths formally told. If you open your movie with a little clip reel bringing me up to speed on the FRIDAY series, I will be ready for whatever you throw at me next!

Interesting, Unique Characters

Look, its fine if you want to have a handful of clichéd teens headed to the camp to get slaughtered by Jason, but you also need a handful of really good characters to round it all out. When I think back to the original franchise, I remember characters like Paul, the camp counselor from FRIDAY 2. Or Crispin Glover’s “dead fuck” character Jimmy Mortimer from PART 4. Reggie The Reckless and his brother Demon from PART V are two of a kind! Cort from PART 6 is pretty funny, especially with the kids. Hell, what about the town crazies like Ralph from Part 1 & 2 or the grave caretaker from 6! Even if it’s the adult characters like Mrs. Jarvis, they’re at least different. These are all memorable, interesting, quirky characters. The types of unique personalities that should populate the universe of a FRIDAY movie.

Creative Kills

When FRIDAY THE 13TH hit theaters back in 1980, people were blown away by the graphic nature of the kill scenes. And we can owe that all to the great Tom Savini! It serves as both a “how did they do that?” magic trick and an over the top moment for the audience to cheer at. It can’t just be a simple stabbing or head crush or whatever. There are still plenty of creative, young, hungry FX artists out there that can do stuff that will blow our minds. I honestly can’t name a single kill from the 2009 FRIDAY, but I can give you at least one per movie previous to that one that absolutely rocks!

New Setting Or Revise The Usual Grounds

JASON TAKES MANHATTAN would’ve been great if they followed through on the promise that he would… well, you know, take Manhattan! But instead, he spent the majority of his time on the love boat. Depending on the situation, it might be fun to put Jason in a unique setting! And hell, if you don’t want to leave Crystal Lake, how about Crystal Lake in the winter? Everyone’s wanted to see Jason in the snow. What if a group is renting out an old cabin on Camp Crystal Lake and they get snowed in on a Friday The 13th? Jason returns and now they literally can’t escape because of the weather conditions. You could suddenly craft a claustrophobic thriller set in one house with Jason!

A Great Nemesis

Your villain is only as great as his arch nemesis, and Jason has had his fair share of worthy adversaries over the years. Between the final girls of the first few movies – Ginny, Chris, Trish. To the telekinetic Tina, other horror icons such as Freddy Krueger and the baddest of them all, Tommy Jarvis. Even if you don’t bring back Tommy, give us someone like that. Someone with a real stake in seeing Jason dead. Someone that is willing to stand up and stop him rather than run. We need someone to cheer for! Even someone like Rob from PART 4 or Clay from the reboot. The FRIDAY franchise could always use a good hero. And Jason needs his Van Helsing or his Dr. Loomis.

The next Friday the 13th doesn’t land until January of next year, so sadly there’s no way for Jason to return in 2016. (Except in the video game!) But can we please consider following the basic outlines above? It’d be great if the big guy would terrorize cinemas once every year on Friday the 13th again. We’ll be waiting…